All mothers have intuition. Great mothers have radar.

Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me
robbing? Clerk: Yes. Robber shot him dead & asked d
next clerk: Did u? 2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

A Child Never Seen His Hips. One Day His Teacher Hit
Him Hard On His Hips. He Come To Home & See In The
Mirror & Say Kamini Ne Do Tukde Kar Diye

Gang of Santa-Banta broke a bank, but instead of cash
they find bottles of chilled red wine... happily they
drink and left next day headline ~ Braking News ~
"Blood Bank Robbed"

What is diffrence between problem & talent? 2 boys
love 1 girl= problem! 1 boy love 2 girls= talent

Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private
secretary? Ans: Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR &
Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR

Once SANTA saw a very sexy lady in da market and
thought- Kash ye meri MAA hoti to main b itna sundar
hota !!!!!

A GIRL CHECKS HER WEIGHT =58KG . REMOVES CHAPEL =56.
THEN DUPATTA=52 NOW COINS FINISHED....... . . . . A
BOY IN A Q BEHIND HER SAID Ü CARRY ON"", I HAVE
COINS!

Wife - Ek baat bolu maarna mat. Husband - Bolo. Wife
- I am pregnant. Husband - Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Wife - College me ek baar papa ko batai thi to bahut
maara tha.

A Secretary came angrily out of boss cabin colleague
asked- Wt happened?? She replied:He asked me r u free
2nit? I said-yes & bas**rd gave m 50 pages of
work....

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they
quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work
in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop
a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, on almost any surface including glass and
at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.

Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to
the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules
were in effect due to the advances in education on
earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective
heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. Name two
days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many
seconds are there in a year? Santa thought for a few
minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week
that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There
are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll
buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the
answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how
did you get only 12 seconds in a year?" Santa
replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd,
etc...." Saint Peter lets him in without another
word....

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to
each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans
over to the engineer and asks if he would like to
play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a
nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the
window to catch a few winks. The mathematician
persists and explains that the game is real easy and
lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and
if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you
ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer,
I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely
declines and tries to get to sleep. The
mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if
you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I
don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" This
catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end
to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the
game. The mathematician asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The
engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his
wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to
the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He
asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with
three legs and comes down on four?" The mathematician
looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his
laptop computer and searches all of his references.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and
searches the net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to
no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the engineer
and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the
$50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The
mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What
goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on
four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet,
hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to
sleep.your joke here!!

The more u study The more u learn The more u learn
the more u know The more u know the more u forget The
more u forget the less u know So why learn so much

Two cowboy ranchers in Texas, they each had their own
horse, but they could never tell them apart. So the
first cowboy said, "I've got it!" The second cowboy
said "What?" "I'll shave the main on my horse." Let's
do it!" So the cowboy shaves the main on his horse.
But after a while the main grew back. The cowboys are
having a really hard time telling them apart. Then
the one cowboy said, "I've got it! "What? What?
What's your idea now? says the other" "I'll cut the
tail on my horse really small.." "Alright! Let's do
it!" So he cut the tail really short. But after a
while it grew back. "Then the second cowboy said,
"OK, this time I've got it!" You take the black one
and I'll take white one!!!!"

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and
later kills you with his bills. Boss : Someone who is
early when you are late and late when you are early.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will
power is defeated by feminine water power. Atom Bomb
: An invention to end all inventions. Rumour : News
that travels more than the speed of sound. Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Dictionary : The only place where divorce comes
before marriage. Marriage : It's an agreement in
which a man loses his bachelors degree and woman
gains her masters. Father : A banker provided by
nature. Politician : One who shakes your hand before
elections and your confidence after. Smile : A curve
that can set a lot of things straight. Diplomat : A
person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that
you actually look forward to the trip. Etc : A sign
to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do. Committee : Individuals who can do
nothing individually, sit to decide that nothing can
be done together. IT Professional : One who is paid
for sending and receiving such Emails! Cigarette : A
pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end
& a fool at the other. Love affairs : Something like
cricket where one-day internationals are more popular
than a five day test. Divorce : Future tense of
marriage. Lecture : An art of transferring
information from the notes of the lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through "the
minds of either". Conference : The confusion of one
man multiplied by the number present. Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to
feel a feeling you have never felt before. Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office
: A place where you can relax after your strenuous
home life. Yawn : The only time some married men ever
get to open their mouth. Committee: Individuals who
can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together. Experience : The name
men give to their mistakes. Philosopher : A fool who
torments himself during life, to be spoken of when
dead. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath
if he accidentally falls into a river. Optimist : A
person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in
midway "See I am not injured yet." Pessimist :- A
person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die
rich. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest...
except that he got caught. Politician : One who
shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence
after. Employee : One who gets paid for reading such
mails...... ETC: End of thinking capacity.

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one
and give one to your neighbor. A SOCIALIST: You have
two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
your neighbor. AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two
cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? AN AMERICAN
DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people
into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell
one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you
voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and
give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. A
COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes
both and provides you with milk. A FASCIST: You have
two cows. The government seizes both and sells you
the milk. You join the underground and start a
campaign of sabotage. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You
have two cows. The government taxes you to the point
you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign
country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
your government. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have
two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd
of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two
cows. The government takes them both, shoots one,
milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours
the milk down the drain. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You
have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have
two cows. You go on strike because you want three
cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You
redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon
and market them World-Wide. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You
have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for
100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A
BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad.
They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please. AN ITALIAN
CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know
where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN
CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and
learn you have five cows. You count them again and
learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
charge others for storing them. A BRAZILIAN
CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a
partnership with an American corporation. Soon you
have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares
bankruptcy. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.
You worship both of them. A CHINESE CORPORATION: You
have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You
claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and
arrest the newsman who reported on them. AN ISRAELI
CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and
then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to
Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people? AN
ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on
the left is kinda cute. PS:No offence to anyone.

1. The Female always makes The Rules. 2. The Rules
are subject to change at any time without prior
notification. 3. No Male can possibly know all The
Rules. 4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all
The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of
The Rules. 5. The Female is never wrong. 6. (If the
Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant
misunderstanding which was a direct result of
something the Male did or said wrong.) 7. (If Rule 6
applies, the Male must apologize immediately for
causing the misunderstanding.) 8. The Female can
change her mind at any given point in time. 9. The
Male must never change his mind without express
written consent from the Female. 10. The Female has
every right to be angry or upset at any time. 11. The
Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female
Wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The Female must
under no circumstances let the Male know whether or
not she wants him to be angry or upset. 13. The Male
is expected to mind read at all times. 14. The Male
who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat,
lacks a backbone, and is a wimp. 15. Any attempt to
document The Rules could result in bodily harm. 16.
At no time can the Male make such comments as
"Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is
complaining. 17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules
are null and void!

A man hasn't been feling well, so he goes to his
doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor
comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some
very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and
you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's
terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks.
"Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."

Mari got married and had 9 children. Soon after the
last child was born her husband died. After some
months, she remarried and with him, she had another
11 children. Then as Maria died of old age, people
gather at her funeral. The priest looked at Maria and
said, "At least, they're finally together." A man
standing next to the priest asked, "Excuse me, but do
you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and
her second husband?" The priest says, "I mean her
legs."